A Tearful Night

Sept 30, 2008 - Tuesday.

10am: I'm sitiing in my office, checking my emails on the laptop. Can't concentrate with the nagging migraine and dizziness in my head. My eyes are still swollen and itch from the tears that had stung my eyes. The drama that had ensued 9 hours ago remains fresh in my mind.

The incident happened at 1am this morning, but still feels like it just did. The unpleasant drama unfolds in my memory, remembering the tears that had flowed down my cheeks. I cried till 2.30 am in the morning.

The nightmare begins…..

At about 1am, just when I was about to get ready to go to bed, I heard my mom banging her room door loudly. I knew, something was wrong. I wonder what my dad did this time to cause her such anger. Nothing much happened but inside I was afraid. The banging of the door frighten me as it was quite loud. I turn off the lights, climbed into bed and buried my face against my pillow. My mind started to wander, thinking what has happened between my parents this time. At about 1.30am, my mom again banged the bedroom door when my dad came in to sleep. She proceed to banging it a few more times to further irritate my dad. Finally my dad snapped and started shouting at her. At first I tried to just go to sleep and not bother as this is not the first time they fight violently. Then, the shouting got even louder and I can hear clearly every single word that is uttered from my dad's mouth. "You are a bluddy ungrateful bitch! Do you want to take this to the court?, you stupid bitch!" Those were among the nastiest words that came out of his mouth. I couldn't take it anymore and rushed to my brother's room for console. He is back from Singapore for a couple of days. I stayed in my brother's room with him, hoping not to hear their heated arguments as his room is way behind my parents'. I pleaded my bro to do something. "What can we possibly do?", he said to me. We remained there for a while. The shouting got even louder. Till this point, I clenched my fists wanting so much to confront my dad. I dared not. I hated myself for not having the courage to do so. I am a useless coward. Finally, the fight gotten really out of place with further shouting of abusive words against my mom till I can hear it from my brother's room. The sound of things being thrown around in the room further frightened me as I worried for my mom's safety. No telling what he is gonna do to her. How can I take it any longer? How can I let him abuse my mom? I bursted and lose my cool. I unlocked my brother's room door and hurried to my parents' room. It was locked. I banged on it several times till my dad opened the door. I expect him to stop all his nonsense. But instead, when he saw me and my brother standing outside the door in front of him, he even dared to further abused my mom verbally by pointing his fingers at her and scolded her in front of us. "Its her fault, such a non satisfying woman!". He uttered abusively. How can he do that? Why put all the blame on her when so clearly he is in wrong? I hated him! My mom stood there dumbfounded, submissive, surrendered and helplessly. I went in to pulled her out, to get her out of the room, to take her away from him. She pulled away and stayed in the room. "Don't get involved in this, don't get involved," she replied and locked back the door. I tried to pulled her away and cried when she push away my hands and locked the door. I hugged my brother and further cried in his arms. The arguments continued and grew more and more intense as my crying became more intense. My dad actually enjoyed causing hurt to us. To abusive everyone even more. To hear me crying so loudly for them to stop and yet wanting to punish my mom by screaming at her even more intense and more abusively. "Stupid bloody bitch! You are nothing but a bitch! That is all, a bitch!," he continued without mercy. In between sobs, I shouted outside their room. "Shut up!" "Shut up!, "Shut up!", I repeated 3 times when he refused to stop his yelling. I cried even more loudly, begging them to stop. My bro started to lose his cool, clenching his fists. Finally he shouted at them while still holding on tightly to me. "Shut up! FUCK YOU!!!!!" Only then, did my dad stopped. My brother quickly escorted me to his room and locked us both in there. I cried and cried. We discussed about what can we do. What should we do? Ask mom to move out? Ask her to continue taking all his shit? After things subside down, I went back to bed. However, I didn't get much sleep. I couldn't sleep. How can I?

Mom, you are so strong willed. How can you be so strong and take all this crap from him all this while? To bear to share the same bed as him after he has hurt you so bad? To still prepare his dinner, wash his clothes and attend to his needs? To still pretend like everything is ok when deep inside you are sad? Mom, you have a choice. Why continue suffer with a man who no longer loves you? You deserve better than this.

Dad, I really hate you. I hate you so much, I hate you so bad. Why can't you treat mom better? After all she did for you. Loving you unconditionally, through good and bad times. Marrying you when you are poor, poor to can't even afford to pay for the wedding, grandpa has to borrow money from villagers to consent your wedding. She is the woman who stood by you…till today you have earned your success. You became arrogant, selfish and uncaring. You felt she has nothing to do with your success. You forgotten her, you took her for granted, you abused her.
Dad, you are such an asshole. You don't realize how much mom loves you. Even after how you treated her all these years. You have been blinded by wealth, fame and woman. You threw her aside now that she is old and no longer as attractive as before. Her wrinkles between her eyes were caused by the many tears you made her cried, her aging face were caused by you making her worry bout you all the time when you were in trouble, her hands were scarred by spots for you…her making delicious meals for you so that you have a warm meal to come home to, her cellulite and saggy skin that has been caused by her carrying 2 beautiful kids for you. You are so blessed, yet YOU are UNGRATEFUL. You decided to toss her aside and sway around with a young, bimbo bitch. You disgrace me. I no longer respect you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you and I'm really sorry that I'm your daughter.